A special dedication to all my protégés/mentees...

LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER/YOUNGER SELF,

By O’Tosin Baiyewu
My darling daughter, I have always loved you long before I bore you but there are a few lessons I have learnt about life I would want to share with you. Please take them seriously as it would help you forge ahead and make a difference in your world.
Now you are old enough to know that you should take responsibility for your own life. This has nothing to do with age, especially because mummy and daddy will not always be with you… I have taught you about your rights and that with the knowledge about your rights nobody can mess with you. There is a tendency for human beings to take advantage of others, never let anyone take advantage of you. Be assertive but don’t be rude or disrespectful. The beauty of a woman comes from within but what is beauty without brains or intelligence. There is no one girl that is dumb, some do not just have privileges of learning. People who have said that knowledge is power are very correct, no one should ever stop learning the day you stop learning, is the day you start to die. The knowledge that you have will always give you an edge above your contemporaries, be bold enough to show what you know. Knowledge opens doors to great opportunities.

There’s too much oppression in the world for you to be quiet, speak up! The world is waiting to hear your voice, speak against injustice, I see so much courage and determination in your eyes (smile), this is a sign that you will blossom into a strong woman. As a strong young girl that you are, you will begin to take some life decisions early in life…let the values of hard work, equity, respect, integrity, service, discipline, chastity, guide your decisions. Shut out the voice of peer pressure or crowd mentality. You are a smart girl, but you are human and as such not perfect, hence you are bound to make mistakes. Don’t blame anyone, take responsibility, own it, forgive yourself, learn from then but move on quickly.

My dear, whenever people tell you that you are a rare breed, special or unique let it be a reminder of your worth, this helps build your confidence. The journey to self-discovery is a daily exercise, know your strengths and weaknesses but dwell more on your strengths. Have role models early in life, in life’s journey you will meet great, influential and accomplished women who have gone ahead of you. Let their stories encourage you as many as mentor you.

Dare to dream, dream and dream audacious dreams.. . strive to achieve them and share them only with a few wise minds that can genuinely help you. You are an emerging influential young woman liberating your other sisters all over the world, you’re too precious to be a material for mediocrity.
Keep these few words of mine.

I love you unconditionally and permanently.

Your beloved Mother."

To Prove or Not To Prove? You Decide!

I discovered recently that often times consciously or unconsciously we feel the need to prove a point to people around us, you know, kind of make a bold statement, for people to hail you, have your ego caressed maybe, that Mr. Ogbeni or Ms. Lagbaja has finally arrived!!!! Yes, true that!  Don’t lie you have been there before, at least I have been and in all honesty you will agree with me that it has a feel-good- feeling!

Say for instance you need to buy and cruise that Bugatti Veyron and prove to the guys in your hood ‘who’s in charge’ it doesn’t matter if you emptied your bank account to achieve the feat, point made, point taken, gbam! 

It could even be the girls in your school; you want to let them know you are the reigning chic and you rock the freakingly expensive Channel ‘diamond forever’ tote bag to that event, oh! the thot of their eyes popping, tongues wagging, gossip spreading, kudos! Great achievement! *loud applause* The truth is we prove a gazillion points every day, to everyone and everywhere; school, neighbourhood, home/family, church, (yes church) school and even workplace where you can buy the latest model of your boss’ car just to prove to your boss who’s actually boss das all, God help you on this one!

Funny, proving a point is like pulling a stunt and there is an element of competition in it plus if you are an ambitious fella you would definitely go to great lengths in order to make your statements very bold and glaring for all to see. For me, proving a point is a constant need for someone to validate your person, there is a feeling of inadequacy, now, that is a terrible place to be. The typical Point-Prover loves challenges, what people run away from he runs towards by default.
There is no intention to make this a gender-based argument but it feels good to exercise my poetic licence, I like to think that this ‘proving point issue’ is linked to ego and men tend to have a lot of ego issues than the ladies otherwise how do you explain the fact that out of six people that tried to prove retarded points only one of them is female?  just saying, (http://www.cracked.com/article_16760_6-people-who-died-in-order-to-prove-retarded-point.html) Point : To rustle some feathers; point made, point taken, gbam!


I remember the story of a girl who set out to prove a point in school; to top the class in the toughest course in school and make a fool of her lecturer’s grades! This was a great feat and there was a game plan. She broke the jinx quicker than expected but she wanted more so she drove herself harder, the feeling is as intoxicating as alcohol. Towards the end of school it suddenly dawned on her she had  robbed herself of having fun in school, she didn’t have a life, sad enough she could smell the gold prize but couldn’t touch it. She eventually says to herself one day, I’m done with point-proving, that’s the morale of the story.


They say life is a bitch and we unconsciously slip into that zone and the need to prove a point emanates from a myriad of life’s expectations particularly in the workplace, where you see people unleashing tricks of all sorts, God help you if have a number of these ‘sophisticated crooks’ in your workplace, but then again that’s work my friend. Don’t get it twisted, work is about fun too, its hanging out with your colleagues and having a good laugh that comes from your spleen not cooking up some points in your head to prove per time. Yes, you work hard and set goals but don’t get overtly ambitious otherwise you become mean, selfish and hated by everyone. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan rightly said “I don`t believe in proving a point to anybody. Nobody is that important.” I agree with this statement except that some people are important but you are not under any obligation to constantly prove a point .


Was I trying to prove a point with this article? Oh yes, if you ever again feel a need to prove a point to anyone again in whatever circle of influence you find yourself and you need an audience, go stand in front of the mirror, that dude you are staring at, prove your point to him/her that’s your benchmark. –point made, point taken, gbam!
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The Monster Called Corruption

I am sad.

Terribly sad about the state of the nation.

What worsens my state of mind is the limiting thought patterns and mindset that the Nigerian people have about their own country and why it may never change and as such have accepted it.

I for one, believe that a New Nigeria is emerging despite the seemingly hopelessness we find ourselves in, particularly how our name is now synonymous with corruption world over.

The other day I was in a bus ride home, people were discussing generally about the elections and the difference between the APC and PDP with regards to corruption (in situations like this from experience I do not join issues with them or argue it out, experience and wisdom has taught me that it is better to listen). The argument ended with a unanimous decision :" if I was the one occupying that position that the "leaders" are occupying I will also do the same or  even do worse"

Huh? In 2015? This is where we are? Sad reality I must say.
And please before you give me that sneer, cynical look or castigate me because you think I'm claiming 'saint' or ' holier than thou', please think this through with me; how do we as a people intend to fight corruption with this kind of mindset? This is not the first, second or third time I have heard this phrase ( I think it has even become a philosophy that we live by), as a matter of fact I have lost count on how often we use it especially when  it comes to talking about our leaders, we now praise them for how much of pubic funds they have looted and the property they have acquired with the stolen.

I'm not going to spare us 'the youths' from this, particularly the so-called youth leaders or advocates who use the opportunity given to them to lead to enrich themselves and live in luxury from ill gotten wealth. Do not get it twisted, I love money and the good things of life but I would be happier and more fulfilled if that money came from hard work and not from compromising my values and selling my conscience and pledging my allegiance or loyalty gullibly to a corrupt leader. You cannot go far if you fall into this category, yes you! reading this article. Repent from your selfishness and greed, let's salvage our dear country together. Stop deceiving your fellow youths that you're committed to change meanwhile you're fraternising and conniving with the real enemy of our future.

Let's be honest with ourselves there are still a few Nigerians who are people of integrity and No! They are not wretched...they believe in hard work, it is very frustrating to do business and make good profit  in the corrupt system that we are in but their business still thrives nonetheless. Nigerians are known to be hardworking and conscientious people, let's bring back our glory days.
Just yesterday, at the ongoing Africa CEO Forum, the monster of corruption was discussed, bribes shouldn't be taken or given, to say it is one thing to adopt it as a lifestyle is another.
Stop pointing accusing fingers at the leaders when deep down in your heart you're nursing thoughts of greed and avariciousness, that's the mentality of a mediocre and never-do-well. Recently I added #saharajets on my #instagram  I love the pictures of the insides of the jet, so much opulence, class and luxury and immediately I told myself I'm going to ride in one those soon, you see that's an ambition, a desire and to make it happen I have to work hard, do legit business deals ...basically have an action plan to make it a reality not steal or defraud.

This has nothing to do with the #2015elections...but it would be nice to think about this as you make your decision on who to vote.
#BringBackOurValues #LEAPAfrica #Values and #Leadership #GodBlessNigeria

The Thing about Hugs!

THE THING ABOUT HUGS!

I woke up this morning with a thought on my mind: ‘’ I NEED A HUG! I just need someone to hold me tight and whisper in my ears that everything is going to be alright’’. I’m not sure if I’m needy, or maybe I feel  vulnerable or it’s just my heart that’s yearning for that warm gesture.

Such a thought sounds odd, doesn’t it? Well, I’m just being honest with myself. I’m human and I have needs; Physical, financial, spiritual or emotional...the list is endless. We all have needs so wanting a hug shouldn’t sound out of place. To be honest, if I decide to share this need of mine via the social media, I’m sure I will get a bunch of virtual hugs in form of smileys and comments but No! That’s not what I need right now! There’s nothing real about that at all! Allow me explain what I mean exactly.

Well, a hug is a show of affection and love. I can tell you for a fact there are some hugs that are so full of warmth you don’t want it to end if you know what I mean. A hug can last for a minimum of three seconds or five minutes or even longer depending on the state of mind and the relationship between the parties involved, if you know what I mean! I’m sure you’ve heard of types of hugs too. The Full hug which is also known as the 360 degrees, hmm, guys love that a lot oh, don’t ask me why!*winks* There’s also the 180 degrees which is also known as the side hug. For a long time I was very generous with the side hug to avoid getting into trouble or being mis-interpreted, better still for obvious ‘physical’ reasons*winks*. Side-hugs are Ok, formal and nice. Just for the record, I don’t do full hugs except you are really ‘special’, to show you, ‘you are loved’, that ‘I care,’ ‘you mean a lot to me’ or ‘I have missed you so much’. Hugs can also be used to convey different messages to your loved ones; it’s a form of emotional attachment. A hug can go a long way to make your day. It can soothe your frayed nerves and calm you in seemingly difficult situations. That is why I so much agree with Minhal Mehdi who said that “Hugs should be available at the medical stores 24/7. Sometimes, they are the best healers for almost everything.”

I recall a funny experience in my former office, there was this guy who literally lives on hugs, really funny dude. A colleague told me that he would go round the office collecting hugs from other colleagues, I thought she was kidding. I was sitting in the office and working on some stuff and here comes the dude after exchanged pleasantries and guess what? He demanded for his hug like a birthright! Huh?!

With arms spread wide open in a ‘come-to-daddy’ style, he said: ‘‘Come and give me a hug’’ I was a little dumbfounded but I obliged him anyways. As usual, I wanted to do my three- seconds formal cling but little did I know what I was in for but  I’m certain that hug made his day. Don’t ask me how I know; But for me the feeling was not mutual because was taking from me instead of giving.

You see the thing about hugs is that both parties involved are giving something, you can’t really enjoy a hug if its one-sided. It’s an exchange of warmth, affection, feelings, body, and love. Now that’s the kind of HUG I had in mind when I woke up this morning.

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, a hug is just what you need, like in my case to calm your nerves or to get through the many challenges of life you are faced with. So the next time you are going to give someone a hug, remember that it is an exchange. Try to make it special, warm, comforting and unforgettable. Let the hugging begin!

 

……..With beaming smiles, loads of virtual full hugs, scents of mixed body fragrances and screaming deadlines!

 

Oluwatosin Baiyewu 1600hrs May 11, 2013

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Oga fine boy listen up!

Hiya girls! How have you been fairing with the 'pressures' left right and centre? Its gonna be alright as long as your holyghost swag is in check you'll be fine trust me although i want to strongly suggest that those who can't stand the heat should leave the kitchen for us o, thats right. lolz.

You know about two weeks ago I was imagining why some girls just stick to a guy because he a TDH (tall, dark and handsome)period! Seriously, I have a friend who's obsessed about TDHs. They just close their eyes to the guy's faults and concentrate on his looks, they console themselves in the fact that what he couldn't make up for in character at least he makes up for in looks, can u imagine! eh! na wa o! that guy does not value you, he treats you like trash and you are still putting up with him???????!!!!!!!!! Common girl its time you take a walk for good from that relationship. Listen to me girl, your life, ehn, as precious as it is does not and can never revolve around one person, fine boy or not. Beloved mi, before anything or before you met him you are Jesus girl never forget that. At least with all your mistakes or horrible past he treasures you all the same, why should you let some 'fine boy' determine your happiness? stop and ask yourself  WHY?


So i updated my status on facebook and it went viral I thought I should share it wit you my girlfriends... BABE, OF WHAT USE IS A FINE BOY WHO DOES NOT LOVE YOUR JESUS? READ MY LIPS, HE CANNOT AND WILL NOT LOVE YOU. Quite a number of people liked the comment and then i was motivated to take it a step further so i said ...

fine boy wey no get Jesus, sori o, nothing for u! In case u have not noticed, we babes don wise up big time. We are no longer carried away by ur TDH (tall, dark and handsome) attributes, red lips, ur hummer jeep, ur numerous swiss accounts, ur N5 bling bling,(hehehehehe) armani suits, rolex or ur H&C, TM, shirts, hugo boss perf. toblerone chocs, flowers, sisters help me . . .etc. And d list is endless. . .(impressive bt not enough 2 impress me by d way) we r not dat cheap. Our virginity is worth a lot more dan all of dis put 2geda and more. Our father owns d storehouse where 'all that' (said wt attitude) came from.We r concerned about ur heart. U want us to consider u? Simple. Truly give ur heart to Jesus and love Him. That's all! And dnt even pretend abt it cuz dat wud even be worse 4u! hehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!funny. it went so viral on two groups on facebook: youth and sex and baptist youths or so. Be reposted it severally and it really went viral! I've never been so amazed in my entire life.

Even i don't know where these thoughts came from, but i guess that was just how i felt at that time.

The train is moving girls, yes the revolution is on for real and you don't want to be left behind so join in. we are redefining the standards. Wise up girls , the coolest decision a girl can ever make is to keep her virginity. Love you girls!

Enough of the Booting!

 Enough of the booting girls, its about time we rolled our sleeves ang get down to business! And like Prof. Pat Utomi would say on Patito's gang, we are back! and i dare say back with a big bang. Let me start by apologizing for the long silence, i had to settle some personal issues, well that is not to say that you all aren't important but you we have to 'put the house in order', hmmn....oh yelz! exactly!(rolling ma eyeballs).

You one issue that i'm gonna thrust in the agenda of talk is the issue about our self-esteem. A lot of girlz have what is called 'Identity crisis', they don't even know who they are anymore. In the age of lace wigs, iman or mac powder, make-up, jeggings, false eyelashes, expensive clothings, help me... yeah the list is endless. if u take all these away what is left? You build your life around super-models and celebrities, do you stop to ask 'who am i'? Sweetie if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything! Let me ask you 'what do you stand for'?
I don't know about you but its time to get our image, identity and self-esteem back! the time to do that is...NOW!

Keep pondering on that and i'll be back shortly....tHIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!